I shivered in bed to the sound of the wind whistling, and then, a deep boom of thunder. I got up and wandered through to the kitchen at 8:40, having to put lights on as I went. Eerily dark. The sky was menacing and as I looked over at the patch of grassland between us and the luxury flats, dense, fine rain was blown aggressively into the grassland and across it in large swathes that produced visual ripples in the air. It obscured visibility so much that I seemed to be looking from a wild outpost somewhere much more rural. Once that was over and done with, as if it had said enough, the wind calmed a bit and snow started to fall. The sky lightened from lead to marble, with even a rare streak of blue. Snow is falling intermittently, as if it hasn’t really the energy.
I am glad I have a good excuse not to cycle.
- Go to bed and get up earlier.
- Watch less crap TV.
- Stay away from internet forums.
- Read more.
- Play guitar and piano again.
- Force myself to socialise. “It doesn’t come easily to me” isn’t a good excuse, in fact it’s all the more reason to try. Join some sort of class in order to meet people.
- No more fear without action. When I feel afraid, I will face the thing that I am afraid of, with bravery and optimism.
- Especially work on not being afraid to fail. Take any opportunities to be judged, so that I can learn not to fear that.
- Work on my excessive need for approval and attention. Especially watch out for falling into the trap of trying to help the wrong people and trying to be indispensable. Be less nice. Be more real.
- Do not let emotions rule my life. Learn to stand back from them and see them for what they are – a chemical haze in my brain; the manifestation of subjective thinking; a lens through which reality is distorted. Learn to redirect my thoughts and recreate my whole life experience.
- Believe in myself. Reject the survival-of-the-fittest view. It is not the whole story at the human level. Believe in my ability to adapt, to deal with things, to overcome… don’t ask if there is a place in the world for me, as if questioning my belonging… rather, how can I make the world work for me?
Just a few wee things then!