Bit better now that I’ve had some feedback and guidance. It didn’t hurt that badly after all.
I’m still far from confident that I’m not going to make a big fool of myself at the presentation in a couple of weeks. But one supervisor has offered to help me prepare it (I guess it’s in their interests that I get through this too), so I stand a better chance… assuming I have the courage to just lay it all on the table as far as my thoughts and struggles. That’s what this whole episode has been forcing me to do. Which is probably why it’s been so painful. But I suppose at the end of it my supervisors will know me better, and I will be more acclimatised to what it feels like to be real with them, which can only be a positive thing. There’s something to look forward to.
Ironically my biggest flaw seems to be how desperate I am to be flawless. This is not going to be solved overnight. I will just have to be patient on this one.