For many years I’ve had recurring dreams about having to drive somewhere and having to teach myself how to drive as I go along. I wondered if this would continue now that I am actually learning to drive. Last night I had one of them, and while in the past it was always mildly exciting, now it’s crossed over into scary.
I was glad in my last lesson that I didn’t have to do much driving; I spent most of it reversing round corners very slowly. (Without hitting any kerbs, I might add ;)) I feel sick to my stomach at the thought of driving and I wasn’t sure why until last night’s dream brought it into sharp relief. The problem is that I am afraid of crashing, pure and simple. I don’t feel confident about my awareness of where the edges of the car are in relation to other things, nor about the reliability of my steering. I mean it must be possible to get this awareness, most people are perfectly capable of becoming safe competent drivers; I just don’t see how right now. Most of the time we make mistakes while learning anything, but you can’t really make mistakes while learning not to collide with things! How then do you develop a reliable sense of the boundaries?!
On the plus side, my instructor is great. I always hate being observed learning anything, and to be effective, an instructor does have to really scrutinise you, so it’s important that I’ve been able to feel comfortable and supported. He also likes philosophical topics, and amused me a few weeks ago by saying “I don’t know whether there’s a God or not, but either way I’m fine with it.” 😀 He may decide to hedge his bets and pray anyway if he makes me drive onto the Bypass… 😆